my story part one

ok so my title is a little less than creative. oh well. so a little history of my ed. i have to say i'm relatively green in the world of ed, mine started a year ago. i had been gaining weight for quite sometime and one day i looked in the mirror and was utterly discusted. i decided then and there to do something about it. i set out to do the normal dieting scheme, exercise and healthier food. not a lot was really happening. it seems like a bit of a sudden jump but i decided to do a cleanse out - laxative styles. over the course of 2 weeks i went through a large bottle of the things, and still not a lot was happening. i knew that simply trying to burn off anything i ate or getting it out of me asap wasn't going to get the weight i wanted off. i stopped taking the laxatives when i saw the tv special super skinny me. the doc told her that they don't stop you consuming the calories so they do a hell of a lot more harm than good. i decided to try to kick my will power into gear and eat as little as possible without being noticed. this worked as long as i wasn't at home with my family or hanging out with my friends. finally i started to see some results. i also began to have a smaller appetite which was awesome, as it was my appetite which had gotten me to the eww factor stage in the first place. as my appetite decreased i started to become very put off by any food. this is when i began to experience feeling sick after a large meal, which i had to eat every evening at home. i don't remember the first time i purged, but it was like it set off a light bulb. i didn't have to actually eat anything, i could just purge after any meal. for a while i got away with it. one night after i had purged my mother came in to see me, she asked if i had just been sick. i put on my confused face and told her i hadn't. she looked at me a while, she said it smelt as if someone had been sick in the toilet, i continued my confused look, told her i hadn't been sick and i had no idea why it would smell like that. after looking at me a while longer she left and i knew i could never do it at home again, not if i wanted my ed to stay a secret. instead of doing it at home i began taking bike rides after tea and i would go to a local park and use the restrooms there.
have to go now, next part will be in soon!

first ever post

hey!
so i've not blogged before so if i ramble i apoligise!
i have created this blog as a place for me to talk about what life is like when one has an eating disorder.
i won't neccesarily be always blogging about that particular topic, but it will be the main theme.
at the moment i don't have time for a full length blog but will try to get one done asap.
so for now i will preview my next blog. in it i will explain a bit more about my ED situation and what i'm like in general. this is going to be an anonymous blog as i very rarely if not hardly ever talk to anyone about this which is why i decided to make this page. i have no intention of people i know actually knowing about all the things i intend to share here.
that would entail way too much drama.
well i have to go.
till next time,
duenneristbesser xoxo